Outside My Window

Outside My Window

I live in a barn. Outside my barn window, you can see the roof. A lot of nights, I lay out there staring up at the stars. It is truly amazing, to be able to see stars. In the city, you don’t get that. It is just a lot of noise and a lot of distractions. I love being here; it’s so healing and beautiful. I have once even seen a shooting star. I feel like a character in those books I am always reading. You know, the kind where there is this girl or boy who is wrapped up in the beauty of the world and so he or she climbs out the window and lays on the roof to achieve peace and quiet? Yes, that is me, here in this magical place. Sure, it is a lot of work most of the time, but it is worth the view.

I Hate This.

So, I am in California doing this internship thing. My very best friend that goes to school with me (and as of right now, is in Colorado for her internship!) texted me today to let me know she is not going back to college with me after we are done our internships. Not only that, but she and I had planned on hanging out at her place in CA, visiting touristy places and just plain old exploring and having fun before we had to go back to school. She had mentioned to me that she was considering not going back, but I was grateful that I would at least get to see her before I went back to our school. But, today, she told me that she would not be returning and she could no longer do our planned week of California fun and sun. I am so bummed. She was my greatest friend at school. She always had a crazy joke to throw out, and she always was my study-buddy in all of our classes. We even had a hand-shake! We had our own little hand-shake that I suppose we figured out in Stats when we should have been paying attention. But thing is, stats was easy-peasy. We had no difficulties, and we always had fun joking and laughing in the back. In psych, we always worked together. It was just a given that we were going to be best friends.

But, now, she is gone. I will be going back to school alone, without even being able to say goodbye. And, I have no idea where I will be living during the week we had planned on, in California. I am a poor, college student. I chose to come to California for this internship over other takers because I expected to stay with my friend and save money. Now, my living arrangements are up in the air, and I may have to spend even more money (that I don’t really have) to transport myself…somewhere. I really, really hate this. I miss my friend, and I have found I hate this adult thing. I all of a sudden yearn to be a child that is someone else’s problem and not my own. I know this is not fair. I need to “man-up.” I am just so sad. I never saw this coming. I am utterly alone. I suppose I will have to step up to the plate like an adult is supposed to do. I suppose I will have to stop crying, throwing this tantrum, pick myself off the floor, and start again. Look up some places. Call some places. Make arrangements with places. Be successful with these places… Know where these places are, and find myself a home for a week. Adult life sucks.